Last January was a low point for me, in fact the whole spring semester I felt like I had somehow slipped into a rut that had a hold on me. I was almost a college grad just one class to go (that wasn't offered that semester) and then wham bam just like that I would no longer be a student, I would be a real person. A real person with real responsibilities like a job that starts before 10:00am in order to single handily cover the bills, a person that remembers to pay the phone bill on time and check the oil. The reality that my cushy college years were over slapped me in the face and left me feeling stunned. My dad couldn't have been more pleased at last his 24-year-old daughter was on her own. When I talked to him on the phone he would exclaim in glee "Wow Kerde you are on your own now!" I had always been so optimistic during my college years, I felt like my diploma would put a job in my lap. You can imagine my disappointment when two months of job hunting didn't even get me an in at the school cafeteria. At last I did get a call to be a telemarketer and I cried, twice, first with relief and than again once the job started. Oh how I hated it. the cubicle, the repetition, the pointlessness of it all. All day I would call people who didn't want to hear from me, to try and get them to attend free talks in hopes of getting them to buy stuff they didn't need. Under the gloom of the Missoula inversion, cramped in my cubicle I could feel a restlessness stirring inside of me. I needed a change; I needed a boost of energy that could come only from an outside-in transformation. I needed a fresh path to get me to higher state of inner being. In the dark of my cubical I fumbled my way around the MCC website and grabbed onto it like a lifeboat.
The MCC started out like a good summer camp complete with games, light instruction, and most importantly a healthy energetic crowd, a real rarity around the office. I loved it. With the sun in my eyes I could feel my sprits were already lifting with anticipation. The following day we got assigned our crew, 5 dudes and two chicks (including me). It was a trip trying to imagine this odd mix of men plus girl as my new surrogate family. During my first interactions I felt like an anthropologist, trying to get the dirt on everyone. Words like yoga instructor and mediation lead me to visualize the whole lot of us as Zen masters waking early to chant to the gods in the morning. One could only guess what it would be like.
1st Hitch
What did I get myself into!? Oh the rain, no wait snow! This is summer!? I didn't sign up for this! Transformation, however necessary, is rarely easy and the first hitch was no exception. The first night was so cold Amanda and I stood under a tarp holding the big dinner pot sucking the last bits of heat out of it in a kind of survival mode desperation. It was a bit dramatic, but she is from Florida and I haven't been camping in awhile. After that I ran to my tent and in a fetal like position sandwiched myself into my sleeping bag all the while chanting like a mantra, “what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.” Looks like there would be chanting after all. The next day I woke to a damp fog and started rolling barbwire fence with my crew. There we were in the clouds making tight wire wreaths all with surprisingly high sprits. It was beautiful. The sun lifted that afternoon and dried me out so completely the rain seemed like a distant dream. It felt so refreshing to be doing something that mattered. With each wreath I rolled I pictured the animals running free and I felt a relief in myself.
Being surrounded by so much beauty and so much space lets one see beyond the rat race of traffic, shopping, standing in lines. Those daily frustrating parts of city life can’t touch you out in the sanctuary of the woods. Out here, if you forget to pack underwear (hypothetically speaking – well not really) you just deal with it you don’t have to endure the hell of Reserve Street. Frankly I think I would rather wear dirty underwear then go out there anytime soon. Life is simple out here, you have less clothes and less choices. In the evenings your options are basically reading, stretching, sitting, eating, and sleeping. Oh and of course hanging out with the crew, whom I must say I am becoming increasingly fond of. Our crew comes with a Zen master, a yoga instructor, two of the chilliest guys I have ever met, a witty upbeat leader, and a steady hard worker. I feel in good hands for the upcoming 5 week hitch. Today we bought more food than I have ever seen outside of a grocery store. It will be an adventure to remember – so I better go finish packing.
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