Monday, August 4, 2008

"Top 10 Ways to Kill Biting Flies" Clayton Martins, Northern Rockies CM

10. Construct a tiny electric chair and make them all ride the lightning.
9. Genetically engineer a giant frog with ten tongues and an insatiable appetite.
8. Launch a full scale nuclear assault on the forest.
7. Train in the ways of the ninja, then decimate them all with your katana.
6. Learn voodoo and put a curse on them such that they will all spontaneously combust at midnight.
5. Wrap every tree in the forest with fly paper from top to bottom and then wrap yourself as well.
4. Get a gunslinger to shoot their wings off from 1000 yards.
3. Freeze yourself in carbonite until they have gone extinct.
2. Create an army of nanomechanical flies to infiltrate the ranks of the real flies, causing their evil empire to crumble and collapse from within.
1. Take a stalk of bear grass and swing in wildly while running through the woods until you pass out.

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Take nothing for granted. Not one blessed, cool mountain day or one hellish, desert day or one sweaty, stinky, hiking companion. It is all a gift.
—CINDY ROSS, Journey on the Crest, 1987