Sleep

I am not a morning person. Through my high school and college days, I would wake up about fifteen minutes before class started, roll out of bed, keep the same clothes on that I fell asleep in the night before, and show up. I was pretty consistent when it came to grumbling about hunger, rearing a smile in hopes that my cheeks would wrinkle away an encrypted bed face, and zoning out for the first five minutes of class on the prison paste blue walls. I never really savored the superimposed ideal of rising with bitter coffee, a freshly prepared breakfast, or dedicating patience for yoga. My last roommate did all that jazz, but after living with me for less than a month, that changed. He too became at ease with a stop motion morning. It just seemed logical to suck the very last minute of a night’s rest for all it was worth, even if it was to hit the snooze and watch the red lines adjust five more digits.
My life as an Undergrad ended about four weeks ago, with a piece of paper that promised my degree would be in the mail, and since then my life has been a smudge of birth, states, and sunsets. I returned home to welcome my twenty-second year, drove across the country with my dad to settle on a place to live, and started work with the MCC. I was overwhelmed. So much had changed in my life that my mind simply could not process or reflect upon all of the movements. I felt the world passing as if riding in a car with the windows down. The wind flickers over eyelids, barely open, just enough to take everything in, but still the images come in waves. There’s so much to look forward to, but so much to absorb at the same time.
The first day of work with the MCC was May 24th and that is when my polished concept of a morning started to mold into something new. I could not fall asleep for two hours after laying down and I woke up a half hour before my alarm, on top of the four or five times I woke up during the in between. At first, I figured I was just jittery about being on time and making a good first impression, so for the first day, this behavior was understandable. However, it has been like that everyday since, even on the weekends. The only plausible reason I can trace this to would be just pure excitement about work and what’s to come. I have definitely had my fair share of jobs and most of them have been awesome experiences, but this is radically different from anything I have ever been a part of.
My first event of real camping was this past week when the whole Central Divide Region went up to Sluice Boxes State Park for our first overnight. I’ve been camping before, but most of which on a hotspot rock overlook in eastern Kentucky. We would climb up at sunset, stare for hours as the stars formed the Milky Way, and fall asleep amongst the silhouettes of Appalachia. After the first night of sleeping out by myself in a tent at Sluice Boxes, I lay awake and wondered if the reason we went up to the overlook was for the view or the state of mind. There’s something about being outdoors that provides a sense of relief, a cleansing that cannot be replicated. Again, I found myself jolting awake several times in fear of being late for our first breakfast as a crew. When I crawled out of my tent I had plenty of time to spare. I stood up for my vertical stretch of the morning, only to collapse in the rising sun. The gold slipped through the breeze, the parting of trees, and rigid crevasses only to become part of the waking world. As the cliffs’ shadows chased away, the birds’ commentary revealed that this is morning. Perhaps this is what my body has been longing for, the dawn to a fresh state of mind and the opportunity to greet each morning in awe. Maybe we’re all here for the same morning wake up with this new life as part of the Montana Conservation Corps. We’re all stretching, welcoming the break of day with each other. I may not be a morning person now, but I can already feel that starting to change inside of me.


Casey Simpson – Central Divide